@AmberTozer: If a shark is ever attacking me I'm gonna be like where are your parents do they know you act like this
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@chagger73: Going down on a woman is the best. The way her thighs cover your ears so you can finally get some quiet time...
@KrunkedRobot: Just told everybody in the bar to shut the hell up so my date could hear the full effect of my velcro wallet opening.
@dafloydsta: [at a bar] *sees hot chick check me out* *writes note on napkin and asks bartender to give to her* *she reads note* "STOP STARING IT'S RUDE"
@Playing_Dad: [At job interview] Interviewer: So tell me why you want this job. Me: I have no money and I prefer when I have money.