@AmberTozer: If a shark is ever attacking me I'm gonna be like where are your parents do they know you act like this
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@Gooooats: I'm a Civil War reenactor but I only reenact the time General Ambrose Burnside took a three hour nap.
@EndhooS: Me: and i love that thing u do with ur tongue piercing.. Wife: OMG [storms off] Me: WRITING OUR OWN VOWS WAS YOUR IDEA LYDIA [Priest faints]
@jwoodham: VALENTINE'S DAY PLAN: Go to the homes of all couples who Instagram pictures of fancy restaurants and rob them while they're eating dinner.