@markleggett: If a soccer player falls in the forest and nobody is there to see it, do they still flail their arms and cry and act like a big dumb baby?
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@ninetek: I bet the guy who invented falling asleep was totally like "Oh no! I died! Hey, wait a minute..."
@LindaInDisguise: Facebook is the biggest whistle-blower of them all, telling people I saw their messages.
@funnybeachgirl: Just blew pot smoke on the huge spider hiding in my shower. I figure if I do this a few more times, he'll be too stoned to attack me.
@therepoguy: My dog really needs to learn how to drive a stick because what good is fetching one bottle of vodka.