@SuperJuanderer: If a spider attacks you, you should play dead. No, wait... that's for a bear. If a spider attacks a bear, you should play dead.
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@bobvulfov: DRUG DEALER: what'll it be man ME: *wearing a wire* some drugs please [at the surveillance van] DEA AGENT: did he just say some drugs
@Turbo_Jimmy: Her: that's disgusting Me: sorry, I like to poo with the door open sometimes Her: you shouldn't be pooping in the car at all
@RatchetAfrican: Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name. Coincidence? I think not...
@ddsmidt: Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.