@KeetRidley: If a tree falls in the woods and the wife's not there to witness it, it'll be my fault when i get home.
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@junejuly12: Sometimes I want to kidnap a few woman for two to three weeks so that their eyebrows can grow without fear
@Momtoteens: If you don’t wear a body wallet to bed with all your cash in it, you aren’t really raising teens.
@daemonic3: [waving hands and chasing down ice cream truck] Hey! "What'll it be?" [out of breath] Nothing. Just wanted to tell you I'm vegan
@AmishPornStar1: The people who came up with all these different rules for pluralization are bunch of peni.