@CVTBaby: If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one to hear it, he still tries to play it off like he meant it so the other trees don't laugh.
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@iwearaonesie: cost of the ice cream my kid threw a tantrum in the grocery store to get: $5 the look on his face when I ate it for dinner: priceless
@CornOnTheGoblin: Before we announce the winner of the Best Bomb Defuser award let's pause for a moment to remember the runner-ups
@Darlainky: Me: "Where are you headed?" Daughter: "A sorority thing." Me: "Okay, have fun with the new friends I bought you." Daughter: "You're savage."
@KevinFarzad: MATH Q: 5 friends wanna split a $50 dinner. But Josh wants a separate check bc his thing was $2 less. Really, Josh? This is y nobody likes u