@CVTBaby: If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one to hear it, he still tries to play it off like he meant it so the other trees don't laugh.
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@Underchilde: You can tell your life sucks when you run into traffic and the cars go around you.
@wendyraepearce: My twitter crush just broke up with me for saying WWE wasn't real. The irony is not lost here.
@Iwriteforcats: Son: Dad, you work so hard and never get any credit. You're like a superhero! Dad: Nice try. You're still not getting the Internet password.
@vaniaperruzza: When you ask me a question, would you prefer the blank stare or the eye roll as a response? I like to be prepared.