@CVTBaby: If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one to hear it, he still tries to play it off like he meant it so the other trees don't laugh.
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@BrianIncognito: I was dismissed from my responsibilities as church usher because I kept using finger guns to point out available seats. * pew pew *
@abbycohenwl: [cat hospital] Cat Nurse: Let's get you prepped for surgery. *licks patient all over*
@internetluke: [comes out of coma after 12 years] ME: Holy shit I forgot to set my AIM status to 'Away'! DOCTOR: you might want to take a seat
@Fazio_N: You've been robbed by *360 spin* A smooooth crimi- *trips over own feet, drops tv, & butt dials police*