@caseytduncan: If a turkey got murdered, the chalk outline would look like a giant preschooler's hand.
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@ElliotHetherton: Me: I got mugged today Friend: you should tell the police [later] Sting: there is literally nothing I can do to help you
@towelforacape: People always say I make things sound sexual but I try not to pry them open and force my thick throbbing opinion down inside them.
@lejessica: They say treat others how you would like to be treated. Now I have to go out on a date with a guy and treat him like a princess.
@BlairLoudly: Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat's just being dramatic.