@SergioValenCo: If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
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@jjhartinger: Co-Worker: You say apparently a lot. Me: Yes, I know. CW: It really bothers me. M: Apparently so. CW: You don't care. M: Apparently not.
@Fred_Delicious: Comic Sans walks into a bar. Barman says "sorry we don't serve your type in here"
@KevinFarzad: Remember when we spent an entire year learning cursive? That's why the other countries are winning.
@GregHenchman: I wonder if Scarlett Johansson ever fantasizes about fat comic book nerds, or is that just a one-way street?