@RobDenBleyker: If a woman asks you to guess her age, always subtract 10 years from your estimate. IMPORTANT: Do NOT do this if she's in her early twenties.
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@AnitaHelmet: You can tell a lot about a person by their avi. For instance if they use an egg, they're probably a chicken.
@JerseyRambo: My psychiatrist is mad at me, told him I could hear people but couldn't see them...he said when does this happen...I said over the phone
@flashember: [Morning after wedding] *dead husband lies on bed* PRAYING MANTIS: [On phone] Mom *sobs* it happened again MOM: Ok hurry up and eat his body
@ItsAndyRyan: 3yo: I don't want a walk Me: Come on, it'll be fun braving the elements [An hour later] 3yo: *Very disappointed* Where are the elephants?