@RobDenBleyker: If a woman asks you to guess her age, always subtract 10 years from your estimate. IMPORTANT: Do NOT do this if she's in her early twenties.
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@JihadPizza: Youtube is the only place where you'll find people arguing about religion in the comments of a snowboarding video.
@KamaroPayne: Do you ever take a bunch of pills, forget that you took a bunch of pills, take a bunch more pills, and then die? I know. Me TOO.
@thepunningman: [on deathbed] "Tell my Wif... *cough*" Yes? Tell her what? "Tell my Wifi provider their broadband speeds were moderate at best" [dies]
@OutOnTheMoors: Having persuaded autocorrect that I don't want to duck anything, I hope the council don't take my complaint about the pond the wrong way.