@TheMichaelRock: If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you'll be dead soon.
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@the_moonface: I touch myself when I think of you. It's not what you're thinking, I'm mostly scratching my head wondering what I saw in you.
@evecullen610: I didn't have to shower alone today..... Related.......why the hell are there spiders in the winter?
@pevbim: I've never held a baby before "It'll be fine" *I accidentally put the baby in a box and mail it to North Korea*
@KeetPotato: dad: "start a rumour so people are scared of you" me: "ok" [later] cellmate: "i kill people for money" me: "i brush my teeth with hot water"