@TheMichaelRock: If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you'll be dead soon.
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@rolldiggity: Whenever someone on a plane reclines their seat into you, pull them back even further and whisper in their ear, "Keep going."
@causticbob: When the inventor of the USB stick dies they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again.
@SardonicTart: *Hires life coach* "Ok, the first thing we have to do is get you off this couch and get you moving!" *Fires life coach*