@TheMichaelRock: If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you'll be dead soon.
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@ArfMeasures: BOSS: What's going on here? ME: Dave's mad because he specifically labelled his sandwich in the fridge and I accidentally- DAVE: Not accidentally, on purpose!! ME: ugh ok FINE. And I, "on purpose", slept with his wife
@sucittaM: When I see people running to catch the elevator I'm on I yell "HURRY! YOU GOTTA SMELL THIS!".
@AndrewNadeau0: Me: I won't make it. Go on without me. Her: It's a toe cramp M: But I'm covered in some kind of clear blood H: That's sweat M: Tell my story