@OhNoSheTwitnt: If a woman wears a ponytail holder on her wrist at all times that means she's always down to pull her hair back and fight you.
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@girl_a_whirl: Mr & Mrs Smith is my favorite movie about how trying to kill your spouse & demolishing your house can bring the magic back to your marriage
@therealeatwood: NARRATOR: Here we see the gentle reindeer gamboling in the woods… DASHER: [pushing stack of Xmas cookies] Raise NARRATOR: I SAID GAMBOLING
@robdelaney: Tim Cook announces iPhone charger cord to be long enough to reach a socket, Apple stock price quadruples.
@QwertyJones3: *aliens return to ship* ALIEN LEADER: Where are the humans? "We left them" AL: Why? "They didn't look anything like their selfies in rl"