@1evilidiot: If Adrian Peterson is getting indicted for spanking his kid with a stick my mom should get the electric chair.
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@MyPolishFace: Me: We should go to the gym more often. Him: I hate it there. It's like a meat market. And I'm the expired meat.
@kimt205: Eaten so many blue cheese stuffed olives today that it feels like France and Greece are waging a war for land in my intestines.
@Dunn_Right: Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax We get it you're unoriginal and watch SOA Hold on my daughter Grey's Anatomy is crying
@kerihw: Scientist: But WHY is the bee population dying? Scientist: No idea. *eats bee* Scientist: Did you just eat a bee? Scientist: *eats bee* No.