@Xalqee: If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
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@akmalshamil: *goku flies into the sunset* not knowing how the sun and earth really work he says "WHAT THE HELL WHERE'S THAT SUNSET BEEN FLYING FOR DAYS"
@michaelianblack: "The ankle so important to a basketball player." Something the announcer just said.
@bombsydoll: [walks into my bedroom to find my sister having sex with my bf] SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS I CAN'T BELIEVE UR DOING THIS TO ME THAT'S WHERE I EAT!!!
@skickwriter: Saying you like a lot of meat in your taco is received differently on Twitter than it is on Facebook. I know that now.