@SteveSuckington: If aliens are supposed to be so much more advanced than us, how did ET not know about texting?
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@daemonic3: [at TED talk] OMG that man is having a heart attack! Anyone here a doctor? *entire crowd stands* No a MEDICAL doctor *entire crowd sits*
@tchrquotes: Superman: I got this Batman: I'll help S: Look, you just slow me down B: I'm a detective S: ... B: I have batarangs S: Do you hear yourself?
@UncleDuke1969: Wife: “If I die first, I want you to remarry.” Me: “Wow. Do you really hate me that much?”