@InternetHippo: If all millennials suddenly died the next day’s article would be “How millennials are driving up funeral costs”
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@DanMentos: "I got expelled" How? "I wrote 2+2=41 on the whiteboard" Ok that's dumb but- "So my prof told me to go back up there…" Oh no "and rub 1 out"
@SufficientCharm: My boyfriend took me to dinner and insisted I order my food in a robot voice, so I took him to bed and insisted he make Chewbacca noises.
@MomOnFire: Son: Mom, why are you always showing up at my school on chicken nugget day? Me: *literally salivating* Here to see you, buddy.