@UNTRESOR: If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you Instagram it?
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@skitzoette: As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I'm going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
@xLiserx: *Opens a window and the wind blows 84 hamburger wrappers from my desk.* "Oh no! My research!!"
@robdelaney: I don’t “take” weed because weed “took” my best friend & trapeze partner Corton from me when we were 17. #ImissYouBrother #SwingWithJesus