@UNTRESOR: If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you Instagram it?
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@CulturedRuffian: I just want the confidence of my grandpa in church taking a call from the pharmacy on speaker phone to confirm his Viagra prescription.
@simoncholland: You wouldn't believe all of the Easter eggs I just found lying in the grass outside of this pre-school.
@HairyJew4Life: The doctor just told my girlfriend and I that the baby is coming early. Like father, like son.
@darth__mouth: hey teens ! if you think you're angry now, just wait until you have to spend your own money on toilet paper.