@UNTRESOR: If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you Instagram it?
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@MandiAtRandom: Officer: Did u know your back light is out Me: I don't know if you noticed... I'm inside the car. You had a bit of an advantage
@trevso_electric: The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
@Schmoodles: My new boyfriend says the cutest things, like "Who are you?" and "Why are you hiding outside my house?" and "My wife is calling the police."
@LoveNLunchmeat: I always cry at weddings, but only because being that close to large cakes makes me so happy.