@sixthformpoet: If another day goes by without a Matthew, Mark, Luke and John forming a boyband called New Testament, I'm going to give up on everything.
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@markleggett: People who say that they don't have time for my bullshit need to learn how to manage their time better. Wake up an hour earlier.
@conanobrienswyf: All out of clean spoons so I guess I'll just eat this fat free yogurt with my gun.
@magicraisin: She said: "I want to have your children." . Me: "They'll be on the first bus in the morning."