@ComedyCentral: "If anyone has any reason Kim & Kanye should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace." -Taylor Swift's moment of revenge
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@A_SternMan: [interview] Your résumé says you have a "take no prisoners attitude". You know you are applying to be a corrections officer, right?
@BoogTweets: *Flicks cigarette after a long drag* Here’s the thing, kids. Wolves don’t have lips so they can’t blow at all. That wolf was framed.
@LeonEarlgrey: They say love is worth more than money. But I'm pretty sure my landlord is gona want more than a hug.