@ComedyCentral: "If anyone has any reason Kim & Kanye should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace." -Taylor Swift's moment of revenge
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@LoveNLunchmeat: I'm scared of Botox and plastic surgery so my plan for turning 40 is Snapchat filters.
@smithsara79: Me: [on a scale] What? How did I gain weight? Friend: Didn't you eat Taco Bell for each meal everyday last week? Me: Uh, yeah, as a *joke*
@stephenjmolloy: Boss: "Do you know why I've called you into my office?" Into My Office: "Because that's my name?" Boss: "Yes, that's right."
@hennaahmedx: *me in highschool* friend: omg!! I just got into a fight with my boyfriend what do i do :(( me: aw it’s okay just talk it out!! u guys will be fine! It’s true love!! ❤️❤️❤️ *me now* friend: omg! My boyfrie- me: leave him. friend: but it wasn’t even- me: leave. him.