@preawsaurus: oh, internet, you didn't even exist when this happened to me. every weekend.

@Sickayduh: Single guy "I can't do anything right." Married guy "I can't do anything, right?"

@KingRainhead: Girl: I want bangs Me: I want a stylist to get my hair as close to antlers as possible. Make me look like a young prince of the wooded glen

@NicCageMatch: A magician's wife gives birth to a long series of brightly colored scarves

@AaronMichael_: Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.