If anyone is interested I’ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.

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@joefrog1: If anyone is interested I'll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.

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@dril: IF SATAN IS READING THIS PLEASE MAKE THE FINGERBOARD ON MY DESK DO 1 FLIP

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@MatCro: *phone rings* Wife - "Quick! Pretend I'm not in!" Me - *puts lipstick on the dog and watches Sleepless in Seattle* Wife - "....""

@Sickayduh: "I think it's about time we had a white president" - 8 year olds

@Parentpains: She said she was burning with desire, so I threw a bucket of water at her. Dating is bullshit.

@mooodles: 'My train was late' should be enough excuse to take the day off. Bosses please note.

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