@hellosarawren: If anyone is thinking of fighting me, just know I cook bacon topless.
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@JohnLyonTweets: Three things you should not watch being made are sausages, laws, and your little brother.
@ScottLinnen: Always keep an axe by the front door so I can give the other Jehovah something awesome to witness.
@: My 16-year-old wants to know how old he needs to be before I remove the window-lock safety feature on the car. My 21-year-old says she’d love to know too.
@Playing_Dad: I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work