@Velocycrator: Whenever I'm alone, I like to dig a hole in my backyard, remove all my clothes, go inside that hole and pretend that I'm a carrot.

@TheTweetOfGod: I'll never set a book in the ancient Roman Empire again. Ben Hur, done that.

@mydmac: I prefer to date a man after I see how well he treats his wife.

@astutenewf: YOU SHOULD BE CALLED JEHOVAH'S FITNESS! I yell as I lose my breath chasing them down the street.

@Jake_Vig: Is it just me, or are fewer and fewer mustachioed cads tying women to the train tracks these days?