@MichaelTrying: * 50 pushups * * 100 situps * * Runs 3 miles * My exercise program is really going great since I switched to all asterisk actions.

@pakalupapito: Friend: what time do you usually go to bed? Me: 10:30ish sometimes 4

@panmidwest: ME: I made you some coffee! It's even double filtered… fancy right? WIFE: ME: WIFE: couldn't separate the coffee filters could you? ME: no

@web_supergirl: Why stop with two L's Lloyd? why?

@ActingAnEejit: It's illegal to tie your children to things but you can basically do the same by buying them a phone with a short charger and a bad battery.