@mattsurely: If anyone out there is named Aesop dear god please open a table store I have just the name for you.
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@lasergirl70: Coworker to me: " Why are you always rushing out of here after work? You're single with no kids." Me: " Exactly."
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Coworker: These heels are killing my feet but they're so cute. Me: These ugly Sketchers I'm wearing have insides made out of memory foam.
@mrtruthandsoul: My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!