@myles_morrison: If anyone tried to steal my identity I would just think "now it's their problem."
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@TheCiscoKidder: My son is at that tender age where he believes me when I say that the dog ate the rest of the cookies out of the pantry.
@solomongeorgio: I was called a faggot by an angry homeless woman last night. I would've been offended but I was too busy living in a home.
@SoulYodeler: I think Argentina is quite capable of deciding who it wants to cry for. Stop being so bossy Eva.
@UnFitz: [first date] Her: So what do you do? Him: I'm a scientist. Her: Cool. What kind? Him: Mad. *electrical storm begins outside*