@myles_morrison: If anyone tried to steal my identity I would just think "now it's their problem."
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@flashember: The microwave was invented in 1946 when an enraged toddler demanded his food be locked in a revolving prison and destroyed by lasers.
@Jfficial: People laugh cause I've got 3 cats, but come the next Ice Age, when I speed past you on my cat sled, who'll be laughing then?
@ericsshadow: [talking to son on the phone] "I ran away 3 weeks. You never called the police" I'm sorry. We've been very busy with the holidays and all.