@slimmy_shady: If anyone wants a tiger let me know. I bought one but he's being a d-bag and won't wear the matching sunglasses I bought us.
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@SouthernStylin1: Either that loud scream was a patient yelling for help or Fred pulled the string on the bird's tail for quitting time- Why my cw hates me
@robdelaney: Just took $20 out of my friend Martin's wallet (he has ALS) because that ice bucket nonsense ruined my new kimono.
@YoungNobler: Before you cannibalize your roommate due to cabin fever, remember that you cannot afford the rent alone. #blizzard2016