@FriskyOnWhiskey: If anyone's seen me at my best, and seen me at my worse, and still accepts me for who I am, it's definitely the liquor store.
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@chris_isloi: I'm going to subtly spread my brownie crums across your car because I silently resent you for changing the song.
@BlindChow: [mailman delivering package to hospital] DOCTOR: ah, just what the doctor ordered MAILMAN: please stop saying that
@AdamTheLobster: [In bed with gf] "Do you have any fantasies?" Yeah, one. You know your friend Sarah, the hot one? "Yes.. why?" I want to hit her with my car