@WheelTod: If asked at a job interview "what's your biggest weakness", test their tolerance for honesty by replying "mortality"
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@TeflonPawn: By the power vested in me by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.
@JT_IV_: I hope the people that monitor my sleep study tonight like watching a man scratch his taint.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: My heart goes out to all the parents who are about to see how much weight their kids have gained at college during the Thanksgiving break.
@Rollmaninoz: Cashier: haha that’s a lotta candy, getting ready for Halloween early eh Me:… Cashier:… Me:… Cashier:… Me: yep