@WheelTod: If asked at a job interview "what's your biggest weakness", test their tolerance for honesty by replying "mortality"
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@badbanana: URGENT! IF MY BOSS ASKS YOU IF IT'S REALLY "NATIONAL THROW YOUR COFFEE AT YOUR BOSS DAY" PLEASE SAY YES.
@NervousJr: my drafts folder is a lot like all of my exes. they totally made sense in my head at the time, but now I cringe when I look at them.
@IntrepidDeviant: So she was like, "Put on some protection". I then pulled out & wore a yellow construction hat. We laughed & laughed & now I have herpes.