@Kyle_Lippert: If asked 'Whats up?' respond 'An animated film about the journey of a boy & an old man' then wink & fly away carried by hundreds of balloons
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@ShaunRightNow: Yeah I'm married, but get one thing straight, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanfdsskk THIS IS SHAUN'S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
@ObviouslyJustMe: Jesus said to Peter, "Come forth and I will give you eternal glory." Peter came fifth and won a toaster.
@Sickayduh: I tried to kill a spider by drowning it in douche and now it keeps picking fights with me on social media
@GrantTanaka: Barista: name? Benedict Cumberbatch: Benedict Cumberbatch Barista [writes "Benedict Cumberbatch"] Benedict Cumberbatch: holy shit