@Kyle_Lippert: If asked 'Whats up?' respond 'An animated film about the journey of a boy & an old man' then wink & fly away carried by hundreds of balloons
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@U_Want_Shum_M8: I wish I could re-enact the fantasy scenes from 50 shades of grey. Like the one where she gets a job right after college
@brentcetera: SO AFTER I CAUGHT HER CHEATING ON ME I WANTED TO JUMP OUT OF A PLANE AND DIE. ANYWAY MY NAME’S TOM AND I’LL BE YOUR TANDEM PARACHUTE PARTNER
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: You know, those little glow in the dark stars that kids put on their ceilings Mortician: I am 100% sure we don’t offer those in coffins
@chimneyspotter: What idiot called it "CSI: France - Murder in a Bakery" instead of "Baguette and Tag It"