@TheTalkingPipe: If attacked by a bear you should play dead. If that doesn't work play "Total Eclipse Of The Heart". Bears love that song.
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@causticbob: If you play a Microsoft CD backwards, you hear satanic messages. That's nothing, because if you play it forwards, it installs Windows
@ruinedpicnic: (climbing out of my coffin) I'm sure you all have a lot of questions, but firstly the reason I faked my death is- [nobody is at my funeral]
@markhoppus: "The concept of romantic love is obsolete in the modern era" I declare loudly to no one in particular as I grab for another dinner roll.