@TheTalkingPipe: If attacked by a bear you should play dead. If that doesn't work play "Total Eclipse Of The Heart". Bears love that song.
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@SardonicTart: I'm going to start eating healthy again so I need to eat this half of a leftover cake to get it out of the house.
@Fred_Delicious: Comic Sans walks into a bar. Barman says "sorry we don't serve your type in here"
@TheTalkingPipe: The milk in my fridge went bad. It beat up my orange juice and started selling meth to all the condiments.