@DaddyJew: If "bae" means bacon and eggs then yes, I'm chilling with my bae
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@thenatewolf: *Friend is sinking in quicksand* Get help before I drown! *I start to run, stop, jog back to friend* Technically you're not drow- NATE!
@SlayerSays: Don't model myself after Marilyn Monroe, but having imperfections & dying naked in bed clutching bottles of pills & champagne seems doable.
@SarcasticAlly12: Dr: do you know why you gained weight? *Flashbacks to eating fries in the car sobbing and blasting Adele* Me: no, better run some tests
@Dani_Feld: I walked into a room full of men and they couldn't stop staring at me. Oh...wrong toilets.