@neiltyson: If Bears ruled the world, I wonder if they would care whether or not the Humans they mauled were free-range.
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@jimmytorosian: Scissors Commercial: *Montage of people karate chopping paper in half* Narrator: Don't you wish there was a better... Nevermind that was rad
@TwoSapphiresBlu: My kids are teenagers, and I've found the same thing fixes their bad moods as when they were toddlers: a snack and a nap.
@briangaar: Hi I'm Charlie Brown, the depressed 10-year-old who can't kick a football. I'd like to talk to you for a second about insurance
@internetluke: [looking at wife as firefighters cut me out of baby swing at playground] It doesn't say its specifically for babies, Karen