@neiltyson: If Bears ruled the world, I wonder if they would care whether or not the Humans they mauled were free-range.
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@st00pidfast: I can't make you love me but I can tie you up and feed you until you're too fat to be loved by anyone else.
@AntozWolf: Adulthood is like the vet, and we're all the dogs that are excited for the car ride until we realize where we're going.
@BlindChow: Years ago I tried on my sister's bra, couldn't undo the clasp & was too embarrassed to ask for help. I'm still wearing it. I live in shame.
@Spaced_Cowboy00: A nice looking girl waved at me earlier today but there was no way I was swimming out that far to save her.