@TheBoydP: My wife says I'm addicted to generalizations but isn't everyone some kind of addict?
@TheBoydP: I’m not saying I’ve gained weight, I’m just saying I don’t think my belt buckle should be facing the ground…
@SortaBad: *Spends 30 min practicing Starbucks order in mirror*
*Feels confident*
*"Hi I'd like a grander ahoy Ralph Macchioatto lateenbay"*
*dammit*
@girlontapas: I want to believe in hope as much as someone who thinks that somebody might buy their old used shoes on Craigslist for $20.
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: I find him very patronising.
Me: That means she thinks I talk down to her.
Marriage counsellor: I don't normally take sides but you should leave him.
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