@robfee: If LeBron is better than Jordan, then explain to me why Bugs Bunny has never asked for his help in a game in space. Can't argue with facts.

@onelongbender: This woman at work sounds just like me. I'm going to pay her to call my Mom and occasionally say mmhmm and how nice.

@jayonguitar: When you rob an Ikea store they probably make you put all the money in the bag yourself.

@LeBearGirdle: *1st dinner date* Me: waiter, can I get the bill- Her: I love sophisticated guys Me: I mean *coughs* waiter can I get the... william?

@KalvinMacleod: ALIEN: take me to ur leader ME: ok [later at zoo] A: wtf M: a lemur A: I said leader M: well ur ship is so loud I couldn’t hear a damn thing