@IncrediblyRich: If Bob The Builder's slogan is "Can he fix it?" then he's not really a builder is he? More of a repairman.
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@smithsara79: Mom: *points to my yearbook photo* What a nerd, right? BF: Haha your hair! Me: *quietly* It was raining the day we took faculty pictures
@shkeeber: "No, you hang up" No, you hang up. "No, you hang up" No, you hang up. "No you hang up" *slams phone* Why do I keep calling that parrot?!
@RuinMyWeek: Nurse: "It says here you're lacoste intolerant? Is that a typo?" Me: "No. I just really, really can't stand polos with crocodiles on them."