@toastymoe: If breaking a mirror brings 7 years of bad luck, does breaking a lightbulb bring 7 years of bad ideas?
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@LoverOfComics94: In a survival situation, you can drink your own urine. Fortunately, my Wi-Fi came back on just as I was filling the can.
@TeachersHot: Sunday mornings are a great time for me to reflect on why I haven't killed anyone yet
@ShaunRightNow: Apparently showing the pharmacist a picture of my wife was not a good enough reason to get Valium without a prescription.
@Marlebean: Today, a man looked me right in the face & said "You're not hot!" Actually it was a cop &he said "Here's your ticket. Have a nice evening."