@nerdreign: If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
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@DrDogMD: PATIENT: Since I got this new job my feet are killing me. DR DOG: What's your job? PATIENT: Mailman DR DOG: *chases him out of room barking*
@turtledumplin: Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he's going to the clinic for a 'work related' injury.