@daniel_shaw: If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
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@noogscorner: Cop: License and registration please. Me: Give me a second, I'm drunk. Cop: Sir, have you been drinking? Me: No.
@jwoodham: BREAKING: Man arrested for owning a waterbed. Police reported that "it's not really illegal, but a waterbed in 2014? That's just creepy."
@ImaFlyontheWall: Fun Prank: When someone wakes from a coma, have everyone dressed in medieval clothes and welcome them back from "The Sleeping Disease"
@attheUC: If there's more than one apocalypse, is it apocalypses or apocali? I just want to be ready.