@Bacardidevi: "I am going on a trip." "Mushrooms or acid?"

@david8hughes: [soldier dying in my arms] Soldier: tell my wife- Me: dude I'm already giving messages for 3 guys. Just wait until she dies & tell yourself

@50NerdsofGrey: 'I've been a very naughty girl!' she said, licking her lips, 'I need to be punished . . .' So he invited his mother to stay for Christmas.

@sanbay: Vanilla body wash.... smells amazing.... tastes like shit. Someone needs to figure that out.

@RidiculousSheri: 'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."