@Parentpains: If by loves to travel you mean secretly following you every where you go from a safe distance then yes I love to travel.
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@ilikeyouguys: You can buy wedding cake even if there's no wedding, those suckers don't even check
@QwertyJones3: "What are you doing tonight?" Gonna smoke some Herb. "Nice." -guys who work in a crematorium
@Cheeseboy22: I don't understand why my coworkers always complain when I microwave my favorite meal: curry salmon stuffed with burnt popcorn.
@DistractedMomma: Remember, you are faster and trickier than they are. - Me, to myself, when I'm fighting a kid at the playground for the last swing.