@garrettbarry70: If by mathematician you mean dividing the number of snacks in my car by the number of miles I need to drive, then yes, I'm a mathematician.
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@Robert_Beau: CW: The boss said she wanted to see you. Me: That's flattering, but I don't date people from work.
@TheMichaelRock: I'm not saying you started that fire, Billy Joel; I'm just saying that innocent people don't write songs to defend themselves.
@WilliamAder: Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa's lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
@carlyken: How To Tell A Girl Is Mad: 1. She tells you she's mad 2. She tells you she's not mad 3. She sets your stuff on fire 4. She sets you on fire