@sips_whiskey: If by speaking Spanish you mean speaking in English but slower and louder, then yes, I speak Spanish.
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@jimmytorosian: Me: "I have octopus like reflexes." Person: "Don't you mean cat like reflexes?" Me: *squirting him with ink* "Nope."
@TheAlexNevil: According to the latest statistics, most accidents with toasters and bathtubs happen at home.
@NotJPo: Give a woman a compliment and you'll eat for a day. Force a woman to fish for compliments and she'll feed someone else.
@MsCassieDaniels: Disease doesn't care if you are a celebrity, Micheal J. Fox has battled Parkinson for 22 years, and Jamie Lee Curtis is super irregular!