@pdxjohnny99: If Canada takes over the world we're all going to be sorry.
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@living_marble: Oh sure, the continents get to drift forever and it's "a natural geologic process" but when I do it I'm "wasting my potential."
@longwall26: Review of "grandma": slow, slow-witted, terrified of technology, can't bench for shit, no karate, basically racist ★☆☆☆☆
@MatCro: Me: "Aw, your baby is cute. How old?" Woman: "Thanks, she's 34 weeks. Do you have the time?" Me: "Sure, it's 972 minutes past midnight."
@byrdie_num_num: My wife and I used to describe our marriage as 'forever', now we both prefer the term 'ad nauseam'.