@SamGrittner: If Captain America doesn't have a pizza hidden behind his shield at all times, he isn't fighting for the America I want to live in.
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@KeetPotato: wife: "im sorry, he has to try everything before he buys it" store owner: "it's okay" me: [lying in a coffin] "the first one was better"
@ItsAndyRyan: *kissing on small couch* Her: We should have a threes- Me: I'll call Karen Her: ...three-seater. Karen? Me: I believe Karen sells furniture