@timdonakowski: If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they'd put cocaine back in their recipe.
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@StarWarsProblms: Obi-wan: It's over Anakin! I have the high ground! Anakin:*Force pushes him out of the way* Obi-wan: Damn that completely obvious solution
@chrissyteigen: I always have a note in my pocket that says "john did it" just in case I'm murdered because I don't want him to remarry #truelove #tips
@jwoodham: ASTRONAUT: Houston, we have a problem. HOUSTON: Oh, we're fine down here, thanks for asking. Let's make this all about you though, as usual.