@timdonakowski: If Coca-Cola really cared about the obesity problem they'd put cocaine back in.
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@QwertyJones3: Whenever I tell her that I want to put my Butterfinger into her MilkyWay, she Snickers.
@Underchilde: If you’re going to insist I get you a wedding gift, then I’m going to insist you bail me out when I get caught shoplifting it.
@RidiculousSheri: Yelp review: Dating You have to brush your hair and leave the house. Most places won't let you bring your cat. Would not recommend.
@MrsFancyPants77: I take spiders outside in stead of killing them because it's not their fault that I'm scared of them. I do however, scream while doing so.