@timdonakowski: If Coca-Cola really cared about the obesity problem they'd put cocaine back in.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.
@EndhooS: reporter: tell us how you thwarted the robbery me: [shrugs] he told us to put our hands where he could see them so I put them over his eyes
@robfee: ♫ Cause the players gonna play play play The haters gonna hate hate hate Baby Im just gonna bottle it all up & develop severe trust issues ♫
@SaraMansford: Date: Do u have any allergies? Me: I'm allergic to raisins. They make me cry D: That's an unusual reaction M: They could've been wine!!