@timdonakowski: If Coca-Cola really cared about the obesity problem they'd put cocaine back in.
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@Fred_Delicious: "son, I've had to throw my golf socks out" "Why dad? cos you got... A HOLE IN ONE? HAHA" "No son. I killed a man. They're covered in blood"
@SortaSarcastic: Okay you guys, I'm gonna distract Twitter with an internal server error. When I do, make a run for it and get your life back.
@amishschool: My son, 5, scared of the thunder. I told him that was silly considering the sun could explode any day, killing us all. Think that helped.