@fart: if cops want to catch serial killers why don't they just hang out at petsmart and follow home the guys that buy tarantulas
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@Moldy_Jellybean: Just when I manage to convince myself that I am a superior and more intelligent being, I walk into a door.
@therealeatwood: [Poison Ivy’s home] Voice from outside: YOU CONTROL PLANTS? WHAT KIND OF POWER IS THAT? Ivy: [thru window] Go home, Aquaman. You’re drunk.
@scottsimpson: Maybe it's just me, but reading books on an iPad Mini, I really miss the smell, the heft, the traditional reading experience of an iPad 2.
@Dschnoeb: Someone who blocked me on Twitter just added me on Instagram. If you can't love me at my bad jokes, you don't deserve me at my cat photos.