@_definitlymaybe: If couples who are in love are called love birds, then really, couples who always fight should be called angry birds!
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@TheHyyyype: Signs that your wife is cheating on you: 1. Wearing more makeup and perfume than usual 2. Acting distant 3. Sleeping with another dude
@NicestHippo: People already feel judged in public but what if they also had the same awful feeling in private? GUY WHO INVENTED RELIGION: I have an idea
@AbrasiveGhost: [Me as a Realtor] BUYERS: this is a great house, what's the catch? ME: Well, it is a bit.. [cant think of the word haunted] ghost encrusted
@joeljeffrey: You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it's acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.