@OhReallyRach: If cupids didnt have wings, theyd just be fat little baby assassins with crossbows.
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@adamhess1: Just bumped into my old French teacher and she asked me what I'm up to now. I told her I go to the cinema and play football with my brother.
@JasonLastname: As the officer approached my car I took a big pull of helium from the balloon and started crying
@tigersgoroooar: Killer with knife to my throat: it's ironic how you're about to die in your living room. Me: actually, that's not really what ironic means.