@MariyaAlexander: If diamonds are a girl's best friend how come diamonds never drunkenly make out with me?
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@iAmDelFreaky: Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
@maebemarbles: Not one person is cooler than the pigeon that just walked all the way into this Mexican restaurant, gently picked up a taco chip, and left.
@Stellacopter: Before emjois i had to end texts to my girlfriends with "two girls holding hands* heart* kissy face* glass of wine* nail polish* red lips."
@tastefactory: *watching horror movie where young couple moves into new house & scary things happen* This is unrealistic they could never afford this house