@MariyaAlexander: If diamonds are a girl's best friend how come diamonds never drunkenly make out with me?
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@dragonsorbet: [Confession] "I killed a man" "Wait what" "Lol had to get that off my chest, now why did you come in today, my son?"
@Barknado69: Amoeba: dad, how was I made? Amoeba Dad: well son, when a man loves himself very much
@ArtIsMyPorn: When they say shirts versus skins, they mean your own skin, not someone's skin you brought from home.
@xLiserx: Superman hides his identity w/ glasses & a side part. I wear a quilt w/ eye holes & it's still "Lisa, you've been banned from this Wendy's".