@MariyaAlexander: If diamonds are a girl's best friend how come diamonds never drunkenly make out with me?
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@TheTweetOfGod: If a man strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other. Then, having shown yourself impregnable to cheek attack, beat the crap out of him.
@BeagirlNJ: I'm "I lost my car in a parking lot" years old *clicks alarm, clicks alarm* *silence* Am I even in the right parking lot?
@KalvinMacleod: It's important to teach your children math so they can better understand what episode of Star Wars they are watching.