@KimmyMonte: If Disney has taught us anything it's that if you tie enough balloons to your house, you will eventually find a dog.
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@man_spach: [on a test drive] Me: Haha the heated seat feels like I peed my pants! Dealer: This car doesn't have heated seats. Me: Does it have napkins?
@BrattyBarbie: Behind every successful man stands a surprised woman and behind her stands the surprised mother-in-law and behind her,your surprised Dad.
@70Ceeks: *He-Man at table read* "By the power of Greyskull, I have the- hang on- *pointing to script* should it say 'power' again here?"
@T_N_Crumpets: Wife holding bank statement: What's this payment? Me: we're sponsoring a panda! W: so is this monthly? M: No, it's just for the one skydive