@shkeeber: If dolphins are so smart, how come they're never on Jeopardy?
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@Jay_FrickinLynn: Excuse me, ma'am. Your car doesn't make you invisible, but I am super impressed by how far you just got your finger up your nose.
@ReeseButCallMeV: This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
@MacAnnabella: The next time someone describes me as feisty, I'm going to stand in front of them and air punch rapidly like Scrappy Doo.
@NicestHippo: [college ad] High schoolers: You've sat in a chair for 4 years. How would you like to do that again, but this time at enormous cost to you?