@Jessthesav: If Donald Trump becomes president all the immigrants nd their cultures gunna leave nd white people gunna be stuck with their nasty ass food
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@iamburtjarvis: what do you get when you cross an octopus with a human? thrown in jail for public indecency and banned from the aquarium for life.
@PORNOPINION: Tried to console my ex after losing her bf and all I could muster was, "there's plenty more married men out there."
@rikpayne: Tweeting and grocery shopping don't mix. I've been down every aisle and just realized all I have in my cart is a cabbage and someone's baby.
@erica_rosie: Stages of Candle Burning 1: this smells nice 2: still smells nice 3: this is all I can smell now 4: this is the only scent I have ever known