@TheCiscoKidder: If Donald Trump becomes president, we could finally out-crazy North Korea.
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@KeetPotato: wife: "no" me: "its a good name" wife: "keith we're not calling the dog sarah jessica barker, keep thinking" me: wife: me: "woofie goldberg"
@captaincoximus: When asked my theory on Amelia Earhart's disappearance I said "maybe she went black" and now I don't have to help with homework
@michaelianblack: Common courtesy: don't bring McDonalds French fries on the plane unless you bring enough for everybody.